People pleasers ... stand up straight.

In this world we live in... we can't take respect for granted. When we're disrespected.... it might take some of us a little time to realize it... especially if we're people pleasers. (Ahem.. me) but when we acknowledge it, understand it and over think it, till we verbalize it (😉😊) many days or weeks have passed. It still stings like the first time. More so even, because we now have shame attached to it for not recognizing the disgrace sooner. 

Please think of this...

This does not make us weak... it makes us stronger. How? Because we  know ourselves... we know how we internalize it and the feel the catastrophic effects it has on us, sevenfold. We now know the damage done... but we're resilient still. Knowledge is power. We're not powerless ... we're made powerful by the recognition if our epiphany.

 Our opressers may not  take responsibility for their part in this injustice done to us, (when confronted) but what they don't understand .. is that our justice and acknowledgement comes from their pathetic denial... not their half hearted and pathetic false promises to "never do it again" while claiming no such accountability. We see you for who you are, what you stand for and what your "truth" represents.. and thats their egotistical self. If it doesn't serve them... it's not worth their argument... that's the trouble with sociopaths and narcissists.

 We must keep moving on... standing up when challenged... because without our tender hearts and trust in humanity, all is lost. 

Keep fighting the good fight.

Vendetta's baaack!!! Revised edition complete.

Vendetta's paperback is only $10.99 right now on Amazon! Kindle ebook is $3.99...  I've been asked many times, so I thought I'd post it for you all! I realize that many of you are afraid to purchase things online. I understand that it is worrisome and scary to think of your info getting stolen, however, Amazon and Createspace are both legit , secure online companies with safe check out! Heres a link. Thank you for supporting my novel. .. I hope you enjoy my story! www.amazon.com/dp/1481889532
www.createspace.com/4117568
note * Vendetta paperback or ebook will be the updated version . The old version is long gone... so don't buy used copies.

It's alive!!!

   Alrighty. It's official... I have a www.jennifermoulton.com official website! I couldn't be more excited about it!!! This is one less thing to worry about and I'm so grateful for all the hardwork and countless hours. Jami at www.sitestudiodesign.com not only started this ball rolling for me, but was able to guide me and help me along the way... whatever your goals may be, this sweet lady can get you there!! Thank you for everything Jami!!

Website is up!!

     It's here.... woo hoo!! 
My domain of www. jennifer moulton. com won't be linked for 30 more days... but here's the website with the "non-pretty" web (domain) address. So excited!! Now I have 30 more days to get some other things done. Thank you Jami for doing a wonderful job for me, I'm so pleased! Wanna check it out? Here it is...
http://jnjmoulton.wix.com/jennifermoulton

 My amazing designer and computer ninja Mrs. Jami Whited has worked so hard for me, along side me, and with me on this... from the beginning to the end she was spot on, informative, technical and professional! I will go to her for any type of marketing I need. She does it all... check it out! website design, graphics, logos, social media, postcard mailers, fliers, digital media... etc.

www.sitestudiodesign.com


     I never would have done this for myself without her confidence in me... her belief in my work, and her overall encouragement. It means so much to me. It's quite something to be believed in. Thank you Jami! <3
    

    

Retribution is happening!

Hi there!

    It's been a wonderfully busy summer so far and I couldn't be more excited to work on Retribution. (Sequel to Vendetta). I 'm also in the process of designing an author website for myself with the help of the lovely and talented Site Studio Designs owner, Jaime Whited. I'll place a link below to her business site. She's so professional and easy to work with... I highly recommend her if your thinking of creating your own website for anything. She can take you step by step... it's a blessing.

    I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer and whatever it is you do... have fun!
-Jen

http://jwhited9.wix.com/sitestudio

Still the same old "G".

                                Guess who's back? Me. Or some version of me... I'm still trying to get used to myself. So, what have I been doing? Recovering. I had a stroke. (I wouldn't recommend one). A had a basilar artery migraine stroke to be exact. (There's many types of migraines, and I get the ones that cause you to have a stroke if not treated,) Aren't I the lucky one.  Your basilar artery carries oxygen to your brain. Mine got squeezed. Hard.When it first happened, it was a confusing time... you know, after I woke up 3 days later and started comprehending properly. It has a tendency to change you emotionally and physically, so I was told. They were right.


    I'm a changed person. I'm medicated...sometimes. I have anxiety and I have less patience than I did before. I also have a shorter fuse and a mild to moderate case of "Not giving a crap about what people think." Which is new to me. I have always cared way more than I should. Let's be honest. I have always wanted to please everyone and go above and beyond to show people how much I care and love them, even when the feelings weren't mutual. I want everyone to like me and well... love me. Now I'm quickly realizing, that the ones who really matter, and the ones who need my attention are my kids, husband, family and close friends. The REAL ones, might I add. Oh and one other really important person that I often forget about is.... me. I matter. I have to take care of myself in order to take care of my family.  Easier said than done... but I get it now. Thank you stroke... for shutting down my brain for a bit. I think I actually needed it.

     "What??? You needed that stroke? Jennifer,,, you're talking crazy now." That's the general reaction I get. But let's go back to the beginning so you can understand why. It's not sunshine and rainbows... it's actually really dark. But it needs to be purged from me. Writing is the best way for me to express it.


     I have to start with day 4. It's the best I can do as far as accurately remembering things. I made the decision to check myself out and go home. So where does ones mind immediately go when they think of leaving the doctors? Go to work. (I refused to believe that I had had a stroke. I didn't want to draw attention to myself). So... I hazily drive to work and try to function... slurring my words, confused and trying to focus on smiling and acting normal. My coworkers learn of my crazy morning, through my awkward explanations of how "fine" I am. My family doctor calls concerned, telling me to come back and run tests. I went. After it was all done... I was supposed to go home with strict instructions on 1. not driving , 2. check in daily for b.p., O2 saturation and temp checks. 3. get all prescriptions filled. 4. stay home until neurology appt. 2 months out. 5. set up scans and mri. tests 6. blood tests 7. eye exam with Opthamologist. 8. take it easy... and rest my brain. 9. focus on mental health and reduce stress in my life. 10. be patient with myself and cope with new side effects from stroke. 11. quit working.


     My coworkers.. sensing my obvious inability to make any decisions, and not believing me when I said I was "fine", gathered my children, and drove us all home. It was a moment for me that I will never forget. The kindness, sacrifice, concern and overall care they showed me. I was stubborn and very much in denial that something was wrong and something very serious had happened to me.

    The next few weeks went by so fast... medication adjustments, emotional ups and downs, and sleep. Lot's of sleep filled my weeks. There were a lot of tears. A lot of awkward looks as I stuttered and tried to say basic words. It was frustrating. I had moments of pure thankfulness to God that I was alive... to hopeless feelings of sadness and despair. My children's comprehension of what happened to "mom" is different. My oldest knows... the younger ones think mommy has headaches. Dealing with Gabe's feelings of inadequacy has sobered me. He felt like he should have tried harder to wake me up when I had the stroke. He now thinks back and wonders... what if.. I should have called 911. My son took care of my younger ones while I was basically in a coma that weekend. That was the best thing he could do. The younger ones remember that weekend as a party. Endless Netflix + cereal + peanut + butter sandwiches= best weekend ever!That is something they won't forget, I'm sure. 

      My husband feels extreme guilt over working nights and coming home to sleep , only to leave again for work, not understand how bad I was... and wondering why I was sleeping so much. He just thought I was sick.  But that scary time is over... My speech has improved, my typing has improved... my mind is coming back. I have a scar so to speak... its a permanent brain stem aura and  it has left me partially blind in my left eye. We won't know the extent of the long term impairments.. but I'm doing great. I started out going back to work slowly and that decision has proved to be beneficial to me. I get tongue tied sometimes and lose focus, but I have a great co worker who helps me quite a bit. The dizziness returns sometimes and I get vertigo also... but that's only when I don't take my meds.


     There are some people that have reached out through text messages, Facebook comments, phone calls and even stopped in to bring a meal the first few days. That was wonderful to see the support and feel the love. I didn't think it was necessary, because I let my pride get in the way... but I couldn't cook for them. It was a blessing. When reality started to finally dawn on me... the Dr. explained how crucial it was for me to stop pretending I was ok. I wasn't. I could have ... died. That was too much for me to bare. It still is. My family has been through a lot these past 2 months. We have seen dark depressing days, and basked in the glowing light of promise.  Josh and I are slowly making positive changes to benefit our family. My struggles have been mental as well as physical and have been quite challenging to my entire family.

      I feel, that most people around me understand our daily delicate struggles and give us time and support to work them out as a family. But there are some... that chose to reprimand me and judge me without even knowing what we've gone through. They simply haven't been here. Haven't called me, talked to me, or even been to our house. No one has the right to tell me what I should or shouldn't be doing. Nobody has the right to tell me where I should or shouldn't be going. All that does is show ME how ignorant you are and how un supporting, unsympathetic and  how unhealthy our friendship is. If I haven't heard from you in 2 months... and you call me up wanting me to babysit, clean up at church, run errands for you, make you jewelry or drive you somewhere... I'm going to do something I haven't done. I'm going to say NO. I'm saying NO more and more these days... and it feels great. I'm no longer a YES girl. It's actually quite liberating. Do I still help out when I can? Yes. When I can. I will no longer sacrifice myself or my families happiness and quality time... by stressing out and overloading my proverbial plate to please everyone else. I'm going to start living for myself. Is that selfish? No I don't think so. My husband and close friends and family don't think so either. In fact they're proud and they applaud my new found desire for life. I may not do and say what you want me to... or go where you think I should go... but if you care about me... you'll understand. If you don't... than that's not my issue. It's yours. Despite some of the changes I've talked about (I haven't divulged everything. Some things are still sacred.) I'm still the same person at the core. I'm strangely grateful for my stroke... let's tell the truth. It shut me down and reset my motherboard. I'm 33 years old and I have many wonderful things to live for. I have a renewed zest for life. As my dear friend so elegantly put, I'm still the same old "G".

     

Tell me how you really feel. A letter from a "Fan".

  *(Well, hello there!)* <--- This is what my comments will look like inserted into the letter. :) Enjoy the letter. I know I did!

Dear Jen speak

I am not sure why you considered being a para pro at your child's school. Some people think it's crazy and say that you should just go back and get a degree in education. Apparently para pros aren't taken very seriously you know. It sounds like they are in high demand but not appreciated for what they do. Obviously not paid very well from the sounds of it either.

 *(Please tell me if you have any other thoughts on my life)*.

I hate the word Para professional. What exactly does that mean. As an elementary school teacher, I suggest you go back to school and get a degree. If you don't want to do too much schooling or do it slowly get your associates degree in Education, early childhood or elementary education or both and get a job as an associate teacher which is better experience and more respect than a para. And then if you wan to be a head teacher one day you have two years under your belt already and on hand experience all you would have to do is get a bachelors and a masters which would be difficult but a little easier for you because of your classroom experience.

 *(Thank you for your advice.)*

I hope you make the decision to better yourself properly. You seem like a smart person.

Anonymous.        

*(You're not anonymous... I follow your blog. Perhaps my intelligence SHOULD be called in to question. )*

I'd rather be someones shot of whiskey, than everyones cup of tea.

   I had an amazing chat with a fellow writer this morning. Yes, that's right. I'm calling myself a writer. We discussed pod (print on demand), self publishing and Indie publishing in general. We really built each other up and said positive wonderful things and all the while encouraging each other to keep writing and not let anyone discourage us. Then the conversation took an unexpected "darker" turn. Maybe it was our special moon cycles aligning... as it's been known to happen to women sometimes, but we basically both started to.... ummm, cry. Yep, cry.

   As the flood gates opened, we began to express how we felt silly and humored by our family members and friends, while we tried so hard to impress them with our stories. We unceremoniously want them to love and support us. Shameless isn't it? This is where I will now introduce my self described pet peeves.

   Pretending To Read It pet-peeve #1. I know when they lie and say... "Oh yeah! I read it... it was soooo good." (But that's all they ever say about it)... You can ask them about certain things... or what there favorite parts might be... but when your heart grows still, you silently know what's coming next. "Oh, I loved it all!  I don't have a favorite."

   Burn. Yeah... it  smarts a bit, but you chalk it up to... "they're so busy, they don't have time! To... Oh my good GOD! It sucks doesn't it? It's so crappy that they can't get through it! Dear Lord help me.. I'm a failure."

   We bonded over our heart breaks and built each other up again... "Oh well! It's not for everyone. That's alright! Let's focus on the fans we have, and the ones who really give a damn! It doesn't speak to our work... it speaks to there personal preference and we respect that!"

   Yeah. For a little while. Then we get into the heart of the matter....Feedback and reviews.

   Pretending To read it pet-peeve #2... "Oh, I can't leave a review on Amazon... I don't have internet on my phone." (The one they're using to get on Facebook.) Or there's the sympathy text... "I really enjoyed your book. I will recommend it to others." Great. Thanks. "I can't see the review button, I don't know how to leave a review"... or the ultimate diss... ready? "I left you a review! I don't know if it "went through" or not but I did.  It won't let me try again... must be something wrong with there website." You didn't try... and you didn't leave a review. Shakes head).  No you didn't. You pretended to read my book... and now your pretending to like it, pretending to leave a review... which is sooo important to writers. Oh and FAMILY! Super important to family and good friends... to just support them. Hello?!

   It's happened to us all, right?  I have sold/given away a combination of 125 books to family and friends... and I have 9 reviews on amazon. 9. From strangers, friends and family. If you're going to fake read a book...  and fake support it, then fake review it.  For posterity's sake!

   So I will leave you with my final thought, in which I told my new friend. "It's okay if they haven't REALLY read our books. We haven't read there's either."

I'm just a stay at home mom.

Some of you know me. Some of you don't... you merely know "of me" and assume to understand my life and the ins and outs of being a stay at home mom. It isn't always sitting on the couch watching soap operas and devouring a bag of Lay's potato chips at 10 o clock in the morning. How many of you just thought of The Young and the Restless?  I won't tell, if you don't.

I personally have been a stay at home mom since I quit Starbucks in 07'. I had my middle son Joshua (JJ) and it was flat out impossible for me to keep my job, spend a ton of money on daycare for 2 kids, and commute back and forth. Josh and I crunched numbers and we discovered that at the end of my working life... I brought in a profit of 10 bucks. We couldn't afford to eat let alone go to a restaurant... couldn't waist gas on going to the park on the weekends or even drive to church on Sundays... we were so flat broke... that we couldn't put gas in "both" vehicles. We even tried to get assistance. Gasp if you must... it's a shameful part of our lives... but know this... our judgment doesn't come from you.

We we're denied because we made too much. I quit my job, stayed home with Gabe and with JJ growing in my belly... we eventually re applied and were granted Medicaid and food stamps. It saved our family! Fast forward... the death of a wonderful man and Josh's boss, sent us back to Buhl. AS God's plan would have it.. we ended up in the same place I lived as a kid, with my brother. The hatchery, owned by another man now, was hiring. The house we live in now, was renovated by Josh and we moved in just after having JJ. Living here for free and working for ARK fisheries was the best possible outcome we could ask for. It allowed me to stay home with the kids, take them to and from school and be close to Josh's work. After Lily Belle was born, I finished a novel, got my jewelry business back up and running, and stay very busy with all three kids, school and activities. I also have a disabled father that I run errands for, take care of and often have to paralegal on the side. My oldest son has Tourettes syndrome and my middle son has Aspergers. I am constantly attending to there needs... speaking at the school, and an active participant in there drug-free behavioral routines. Life is difficult enough to go through all of these things and go to church, run book clubs, have jewelry parties, and help out friends and family sooo much that they eventually take advantage of your kindness... and EXPECT you to do things for them... because you don't have a 9 to 5 job. I'm just a stay at home mom. I apparently have all the time in the world at my disposal.

 I mow lawns, clean other peoples houses, babysit, and handle odd jobs for people all the time. Do I get paid for it? NO. Do I do these things out of the kindness of my heart? Yes, I honestly do. I just bought my dad a house and handled it all myself. He only had to sign papers. I moved him with my own vehicles and didn't ask for a single penny. I handle all of his important phone calls and do his taxes. (I am his power of Attorney). People will randomly call me up and tell me to "do this" or "do that" and I just keep my mouth shut and do it... hoping for some gas money or something to get offered at one point or another. SOME kind of gesture that what I'm doing is appreciated. A kind word or a thank you is worth more than money in the bank. I have gotten 2 text messages as I sit here and type... they're both from people needing something from me. I have got to get a hold of myself... or I'm going to tell everyone to F off. My family is going through so much right now... everything is upside down (metaphorically speaking) and incredibly stressful. It's all culminating into this breaking point of mine. I'm about to go postal on people... and it's not even there fault. I have created monsters... and I must kill them. Just kidding... maybe not kill them as in the literal meaning... (Sorry Jesus) but in a fun  "stab them with their steely knives... but you just kill the beast" kind of way. What I mean to say is... I have to tell each and every one, within there own special circumstances... NO. Just a flat out... simple... NO. I'm sorry, I can't. If they don't have time to do it... that's too bad. It's their life. Not mine. Their problem, not mine. Some will understand and some won't. Some will guilt trip you into doing something else for them instead... like you OWE them a favor now. Stand your ground Jen... for crying out loud... your a freaking beast mode, mommy machine. Get over it.

This particular stay at home mommy could run for President, handle 3 dentist appointments before noon and mow a lawn in Texas by dinner, have her kids bathed, fed and in bed by 8 with time to spare to do the dishes and dance on a table in Tijuana with a red scarf around her neck, while clutching a bottle of Tequila. Maybe not the last part. A girl still has time to dream doesn't she?

Don't underestimate us world... just because you have a 9 to 5 job... and harbor resentment towards us ladies that are stay at home types... doesn't mean we aren't contributing to the world! Raising kids out of daycare is an honor and an amazing effort and is totally worth it! Don't hate...  and don't take advantage of people who you think don't work. How about YOU hire a nanny or a butler to handle all of your silly little demands and leave us stay at home moms the hell alone. WE don't have the time to wipe your butt too. The payment for us is having great kids who had hardworking parents (In and out of the home) sacrifice for them. Thank a mom and get off your high horse.. WORLD! Just as a disclaimer... if your name is actually "World".... than I apologize. It's probably not about you. :)

Jen speak.: Mother's Day Mirage..

Jen speak.: Mother's Day Mirage..: I'm feeling anxious... and must write.  Mothers day on Sunday... always an emotional day. I wonder if I should start a "celebrate...

Mother's Day Mirage..

I'm feeling anxious... and must write.

 Mothers day on Sunday... always an emotional day. I wonder if I should start a "celebrate our moms in heaven" club. We could do things our Mother's would have done on that day and do them together.
Or not.
 22 years and I still can't make it through the weekend without breaking down.

   You can tell me all you want how ... she wouldn't want me to cry... shes in a better place... focus on your kids... do something and keep yourself busy... do something for someone else that day ...but you know what? I still want her here.... and she's not. I selfishly want to hug her, feel her, smell her and hear her voice. It's engraved in my soul since birth. It's a part of me to yearn for her. To have a "day" that glorifies and makes a corporate living off of others memories and their special love being made a "monetary worth" surrounding motherhood... it silently kills some of us.

    Maybe it's because I've lost my mother... but when my kids (and husband) ask what I want for mothers day... I think to myself, "to see my mom and talk to her" and it wills me to grab my kids and hug them, make them squeal... give lots of kisses and love them endlessly. Why? Because I suddenly see my mother through my own child eyes and look at my children's familiar expressions.
 I will love them like my mother would have. That's what THEY want. They want ME. So I suppose the tragic love story continues... and I know how my mother felt when she loved me. Happy Mothers day to all mothers... Living and deceased... for there is an endless amount of emotion, love and un penetrable bond that far surpasses the realm of this physical world. It transcends dark, cold... distant spaces made up by our imaginations and nightmares. It spreads as fast as flicking on a flashlight in the solitary closet of our minds.

Round Table Book Reviews: Author Spotlight

Round Table Book Reviews: Author Spotlight:             Vendetta by  Jennifer Moulton   Synopsis When Mark Anderson witnesses his sister's murder by a known mobster...

Adult content... please don't read unless you can handle being an adult.

Hello there!

    Todays discussion topic deals with writing a fictional crime novel. FICTION.... :) For those that needed the extra clarification.... here ya go.

   Fiction: Is literature in the form of prose, esp. short stories and novels, that describes imaginary events and people.

   I wrote a wikid story. It's graphic, bloody, sexy, and suspenseful. It's sad... heartbreaking, faith renewing and thoughtful. I wanted to finish my book and dedicate it to my friend Allie, who passed away years ago, unexpectedly, and I did. I even self published it. Here's the thing... I let her down. I let the story down... and I let MYSELF down. Why do you ask??? Because I let others tell me how it should be done. I listened to there critique (Some hadn't even read it)... and I changed the story. I took out the cuss words, changes scenarios to make it nicer, and even cut out a sizable chunk of the sex scene in chapter 13 and turned it into an "intimate" moment.

   I felt, that by editing it this way,  it would make people want to read it. I hoped it wouldn't offend anyone. I didn't want people to think badly of me or think I was wierd. But heres the thing... ever since I released it, it hasn't felt right. But now I have the courage and understanding to... well. Do whatever the HELL I want.

    I'm re writing it... going back to my original manuscript and re vamping it the way it was, but adding a few details along the way. Why not? I'm the freaking publisher! I can do whatever I want because I'm the author of a FICTIONAL crime novel. So Retribution is on hold for now... while I bring a little grit to Vendetta. It's not supposed to be pretty... it's not supposed to be happy and  clean. Thats how MY story is different. I have to stay true to it, and do it justice. Allie wouldn't want it any other way.

Here's what people had said about Vendetta.

"It's not Godly."
"It's sad... and dark. Why would you write this..."
"The language is actually really offensive."
"As a Christion, you need to serve the Lord and not the Devil."
"People don't talk like this..." (I'll tell you what. Mark, wouldn't NOT cuss. That's not he rolls.) mark is a character btw..

The Italians that I  know and love... talk like that. So there.

Hold up... The DEVIL???? Now I'm serving the devil?  *facepalm*

"Jesus tested you and you gave into the temptation of the enemy." I'm giving in to my FREEDOM. Free will and free speech! Look that up, unless you want to call that fiction as well... (hey! That means that you really DO know what fiction is.) I'm so proud...

   Okay enough... I could go on, but will spare you. GOD created me... my mind, body and spirit. It's identical of  HIS perfect image. Right? My imagination comes from that... I am a human being that likes to write stories... big deal! That does mean I devil worship.... No,you silly people! This is made for adults to read.... knowing full well what to expect! If you don't like foul language, you may read the ya version... but please don't read the adult version and hit me up with..."This isn't Godly."

On a side note... many of my christian brothers and sisters quite enjoyed my book... ;) Shhh... it's a secret.

Stay tuned for Vendetta Unrated and Uncut.

Tight fittin' jeans...

  Hello there! Today I want to talk about awesome husbands and a sweeet pair of jeans. ;)

As a bigger girl, it's hard for me to find pants that fit and are comfortable... but more importantly affordable. I shop at thrift stores and walmart clearance like the best of em' but I still long for the trifecta. You know what I mean... Stretchy denim, mid rise (at least) to help hide our muffin tops, and affordable. It's so hard to find cute jeans in bigger sizes, under 15.00 bucks. Some of you might say... Oh, It's not hard... you just don't go to the right place. Well, I have 3 kids and I'm a stay at home mom, my book hasn't taken off and I'm on a budget. I can't go to certain stores. Period. but I would LOVE to!

So yesterday... my husband and I were back to school shopping with the kids and we decided to wander over to the dressing rooms for our oldest son to try on a pair of pants. My husband, starts looking at womens pants and I immediatley start in... "No honey, I don't need pants, we're here for the kiddos." He says.."You need a pair a pants! They have clearance stuff, why don't you take a look and see if theres anything you like?" There's all kinds of pants... just pick a pair that you like and let me worry about the price!" God, I love that man.

I'm very flattered until I see the price tag. $53.99 for a pair of pants???? Thanks Shopko, for the laugh! I needed that...

So needless to say my very sweet husband talks me into trying on a pair of pants. I found a pair that was on sale for $23.99 (Still too much), but he's right. I do need pants. Just not expensive ones. But I see the situation for what it is... and that my husband is trying to do something nice for me. I grab some 16's...and think that they might fit! I was wrong. they'were baggy. (Squee)! Thats good... considering I'm now at least a 14! Woo hoo! But now, I can't find anything under 16. What the heck?

Then I have this epiphany! I realize that I might not have to shop in the plus sizes anymore. (My excitement builds!) I walk over to the land of regular sizes, in uncharted territory. I glance around at the other women who are thinner than me, but I don't feel discouraged. I keep on going. I walk over to the 14's and find the same brand of pants that I loved in a size 16. I ran to the dressing room! I slip them on.... and they fit! They're also a tad baggy!!! But then I think to myself... they'll shrink a little... and I probably won't lose any wieght over the holidays... so I'll just keep these. Yeah, that's what I'll do! They were so stretchy and comfy, I could move and bend... and they made my butt look good!

So walk out of there... super excited... talking a mile a minute to my husband about the 14's and he says... "try on a 12. See how it fits." I froze. A 12? That's pushing it don't you think? No, I'm not going to set myself up for that kind of failure... I'm on a high right now!
I walk over and find a pair of 12's. I hold em and size them with my eye. Could this be? Ok, I will try. It's alright if there too tight... I've already come down from the 16's. I'll take that victory...let's give it a shot.

So, I'm back in the dressing room, and I start pulling up the pants, one leg at a time... and they go up. I pause for the difficult transition that I like to call, the "Shimmy" (the skillful manuevering over  my hips and booty.) And the went up without a fight!!! Dare I button and zip them??? Flawless!! I was so excited... I fumbled with the button, but whatever! They fit!!! I still had lee-way and they felt AMAZING!I squatted and expected a creak in the fabric, but there was nothing but movement! I ran out to show Josh. (My hubby). Yes, in front of others. In public. (NEVER HAPPENS) And I spun for him (hubby's always have to check the rear... am I right ladies?) "Wow! Those jeans look nice on you mommy!" Says my children... "Yes, they do"... says my hubby with a wink. SOLD. "You're getting those." He said slyly.

So... as I'm putting my old maternity cargo pants back on and folding the jeans I'm about to buy... I realize that I'm totally emotional about getting these pants. Pants. They made me that happy. I wanted to cry.Well, I did. (Shh). All I could think about as I drifted off to sleep last night... was that I had an awesome husband, adorable kids... and that Marilyn Monroe was a size 12. ;)

Hello Darlin'.... It's been a long time.

To be judged and condemned is not a good thing. I wouldn't do it to someone else... unless I felt they deserved it... (Like commit a crime or do something morally repugnant.) But I would still say to myself (not outloud) that God will judge them..I still wouldn't concern myself with there personal affairs and threaten their afterlife with a poor excuse for a guilt trip. Ok, maybe I should explain....

Friend: You haven't been at church alot this summer. Maybe a handful of times.

Me: I know, it's been crazy busy. It's hard to fit all the family stuff, trips, reunions and what nots during the week. Plus Josh has been working sundays up until 3 weeks ago. We had to make up for the summer with family stuff.

Friend: (serious answer) Thats really not an excuse... thats Exactly what GOD will say to you when you can't get through the gates of heaven. He's too busy for you.

Me: ???????????


Really??? This is "REALLY"! A segment featuring  Josh and Jen. (Seth and Amy knock-off, for all you S.N.L. fans.)

Really?? Gods not going to let me into heaven because I went on a trip with my family? Really? Do you REALLY think that God is such a petty, mean sprited God that he is going to ban me from the spiritual afterlife because I went tent camping??? (In His country, no less!) Really?? Since you're so concerned with my faith and relationship with GOD than you should come wake up my 3 kids and give them baths and dress them after they've been sick in a car for 13 freaking hours! I'd like to see how well that goes over! Really. Reallly...


 So, I smiled... and then said. "YOU worry about YOU and your relationship with GOD and do whats best for you and yours. Thank you for our concern though." I walked away.

 I know I haven't been to church alot... but thats not why it bothers me so much. I actually didn't feel like that was a very "christian" thing to say. There is no reason to be that forward and judgmental. If I had bruises on my face... cried all the time or showed up drunk to church... then PLEASE... ask questions about my current life choices. At least SAY you're coming from a loving and supportive place if your going to threaten my afterlife and give me a guilt trip over something. Thats being a good friend/christian... and I don't need to attend EVERY Sunday to have learned that.

I'm going to pray for them...

:) There. All better now.

"Happiness is a cup of Jen."- Allie V.

Hello there!

(I basically talk to myself during my blogs and pose rhetorical questions for my inner psyche to answer. So bare with me, please.)

Today I have something wieghing heavily on my mind. Like, the future. Why worry about tomorrow when you will only waste today, you say? Well, that just wouldn't be me. :)

For 9 years now I have only wanted to be a good mother to my children, productive house wife and a supportive partner to my husband. Now, I'm realizing that my kids are all going to be in school next year and I want to go back to work. I will of course, go and get anything that fits into our schedule... but I feel a "now or never" yearning. I have this whole next year to put together resumes and job hunt, but more importantly, I get this time with Lily belle... just the 2 of us.

I worked at KFC for years...co- managed a KFC and A&W for 6 months... ran the store solo for 4 months while the store manager "visited" mexico. (Thats actually for a different blog).. but when I left, I was about to get my own store... it just wasn't for me. I was trying to get married and start a family... But I was NEVER home and hardly ever saw my fiance.

My husband and I were both supervisors at Petco... and I've worked other jobs... orchard Animal clinic, and Albertsons. My favorite, all time job was Starbucks. My love and appreciation of coffee, combined with awesome customer service... I miss it so much. I quickly became a supervisor and was in talks to being the manager, but I moved and needed to transfer to another location. It was a tough decision. I still enjoyed the ambience and dreamed of running my own espresso shop someday.... Starbucks is a great company to work for, and so was Albertsons.

I'm an Indie Author, with one novel under my belt, and the sequel on the way. I make and sell custom jewelry and sell online in my Etsy shop, as well as privately for friends and family. It's an expensive hobby really... I don't make much money off of it and rarely see a profit, as I like to give everything away. :) It makes me feel good, what can I say?

In my ideal vision for the future, I would do as follows...

Apply for a business loan. LOL! I want to lease or buy a commercial property in town and open up my vision for "Moulton Java". :) Thats my business name... get it.. Moulton. Haha.We've been working on our credit and are in great standings, but we would need to save up for a down payment. Josh is getting his business degree... I have mangerial skills and have been likened to a certain german dictator. Work ethic only, (No names anybody). My creative vision is unique and my business plan is well thought out. My husband is in accounting and can help budget and run books with me... which I also have strong experience in... but what really gets my boat floating... is the people. I LOVE smiling and laughing and having a good time while working my butt off! I miss the customers... meeting new people and becoming apart of ther lives, as they become apart of mine. I miss the rush... the thrill of a crowd and the feeling of accomplishment at the end of a long work day. I want a place where my children can come to work with me... and learn the business of coffee, espresso and genuine love for the public. As a little girl, making and serving my daddy coffee was the best feeling. I was providing him something he loved and wanted, and feeling appreciated and needed was my reward.

I will also continue to write... selling my books in my own place, and showcasing my beadwork and vintage treasures as well. I'll never stop making jewelry, writing or yard saling/antiquing... but I know that I can run a successful business. If you could find a way to incorporate all the things you love and are passionate about... and turn it into a way of life and stability.. wouldn't you try? <3

Hello there!


  I decided to link my facebook author page to my blog today in a meager attempt to network. I'm so horrible at this. I suppose if I had the self confidence of a stallion at a petting zoo, I would be better equipped to handle the self promotion.  Sadly, I'm more of a donkey at the Kentucky Derby, pity partying my way through the days events. EE Awww!

  Anyhow... welcome, ALL, to my blog, where I'm able to be and say what I want without caring what others think of me. Are you ready for this. psshh.. you better be.. cuz, this happening. (I'm pointing to all of me).

    Okay, enough of that. Don't want to get you over excited or anything. So... please check in from time to time and read what I'm writing... it could be funny, sad, odd or just plain boring... but if you're on the computer.. your bored already.. right? I'm here for your entertainment! I seriously appreciate the support... and please visit my facebook author page www.facebook.com/JenniferMoultonAuthor to learn about my very first novel, Vendetta. it's a doozy...

  I've been told to put the cuss words back in it as I "toned it down" recently... and well... I agree. It's necessary for the character to be himself, even if I'm trying to please everyone in real life.

  Indie writers are the bees knees. We can do what we want... when we wanna and change our minds about it the same day. BOOM! How do you like that Mr. Agent man who said I couldn't do it without proper representation!

  Oops. Got off track a little but I'm back. Thanks for checking out my facebook and reading my blog! :) <3 jen

Grilling season debacle.

 Hello there!

  It's been awhile, eh? Here's my random rant/question I pose for the day...

  When did, "Grilling Season" become only summer time? Does the grill disappear? Are we so afraid of the elements that we refuse to step out and use it, even though we want to grill something. Why can't we use the oven.... or better yet, utilize George Foreman's meal ticket?

  This morning... I began earnestly looking up wieght training tips for women, and focusing on on "form" and beginner excercises... when I started thinking that I needed to reduce carbs and increase protien in my diet. Which then led me to thinking about food.... and then before you know it... I started to think about Chili's margarita Chicken.

  Needless to say, I was on food.com in a matter of minutes, looking up chicken marinades. :)
Anyhow, I find a seemingly great recipe and decide to read the reviews. (Necessary homework) and I could not believe my eyes. People are WAITING yes, WAITING for grilling season to enjoy these recipes, which they claim to love, btw...

  (My jaw dropped). Not just one posted review, but 2 and then 3 and before you know it... I'm raising my hands in the air like, "What is this world coming too?" Grill if you want to people, don't wait until the weather is nicer! Just do it, if you want to!

  They obviously don't want to, right? It's their opinion, and that's fantastic... What is yours?? If you want to grill, (inside or out) wouldn't you just do it? Why "wait" until grilling season??? Is there some sort of law that could be in effect in some state that I am just ignorant to? I say... just eat it. :)

creative thinking...

Today I was picking up my iced mocha from my fave drive thru espresso place... and was told a wonderful story!!

 Theres a lady that lives about 60 miles from this theme park. Her children are always bugging her to go, like all children do :). So she tells them ... "It's 60 miles away... start walkin."

This clever lady decided that she would somehow "log" the miles in an exercise project... however she managed it, Im not sure... but her kids somehow did enough exercise; via running, walking, whatever....to accomplish this "60 mile goal".

They did it... and Mommy took them to the theme park :)

 Very cool Mama... way to go.

Finishing what i start.

I love to write, make jewelry, do crafts and all that jazz....but I need to actually finish things in order to be actually productive. I have some jewelry in a store on consignmennt and thats turned out to be a dud. I need to get in there and get my jewelry...and demand payment for the things that have sold. If they didn't move the store again on me...and I would LIKE to re-open my etsy store. But I need to finish projects to get the collection ready to go and ship BEFORE I even think about doing that.

I have been writing a novel for about a year now...and I'm only basically half way thru it....I need to finish that up. But again....I need to focus on one thing at a time and just get it done. Yes, I just had a baby. Yes, I have three kids, a husband and a house to run.

But I feel as though I might be a little a.d.d. about the whole thing. Like...ooh, something shiny!....look! Theres a squirrel...kind of thing.Then I stress out over it till' I'm just like...eh, not today...some other time.

So, heres to getting stuff done today, one thing at a time ;)

 Which reminds me...I need to go to some thrift stores and make a costume for JJ. I always follow thru for others, just not for myself. Wierd, huh? What does that mean? Do I not take myself seriously? Do I not believe I can do it? Or is it that my self esteem is so low that I dont have confidence in myself...like Im not actually good enough to finish it, cuz noone will want to see what I have done anyway. Wow. Maybe. Do I have something to prove to myself??? Well, I do now. I'm going to prove to myself, that whether someone else likes it or not. I DO....and it was worth it to me. Yeah, thats it. Rawr.